The bitter taste

It's like exorcising some sort of demon. That's kind of what it's like. I can't believe that nearly a year later I'm still getting over this chick. If you just saw me as a distraction, if I was just an affair, if you just needed some attention and lovin'...why couldn't you just tell me that? Why couldn't you just be straight up about it? Why bring love and talk of the future into it? Lord knows I'm just getting my due. Reaping exactly what I've sown in the past what with the way I played fast and loose with girls' hearts. I'd like to think I was a lot younger when I broke those hearts but there have been a few wounds I've inflicted in adulthood. Christ I've made an ass of myself with you. Like how I said I wouldn't go back and erase you. I wouldn't delete your memory from my mind even if I could. Yeah. Right. I'll tell ya what. I totally wish I could now. I wish I'd never met you. I don't think anyone handles rejection very well. I know I don't. I got played good. Knew you weren't ever gonna leave him. When you told me you were going to relationship counseling with him I knew it. But my dumb ass kept fucking you...kept up the fantasy that someday you'd be mine. Then there was the constant dangling carrot of the summertime...when you would leave him and we could be together. What a goddamn fool I was! Hahahahaha! You like being the "one that got away" don't you? It suits you somehow. True to my nature I pull no punches...on you, on anyone, least of all myself. Each day your memory grows dimmer. You don't haunt me like you did before. I still feel scant traces of the pain you gave me though. I still finger the wound and touch the scar you left. After my initial anger I really tried to be the bigger man, tried to be mature. But immaturity feels so much more comforting to me. I told you I wished you the best. I said all kinds of sweet things that I thought a wise and healthy person should say. Truth is...in moments like this...I wish you all the pain. My evilness rises to the challenge and I want to see you suffer. I want to see someone fuck you over like you fucked me over. I wonder if that boyfriend of yours makes you suffer. I wonder if it was worth it. And while I'm damning you don't think I'm not damning myself. I was the idiot that fell for your charms. You said I seduced you but it was you who pursued me. Remember? It was you who came knocking on my door. And I welcomed you into my home and my heart. I should get my head checked what with the way I let you play me. One day you'll know you lost. And by then it will be too late. This door is closed. Go knock on another.