Pulling the Trigger

Well, the die is cast now. This morning I meditated for a while and then prayed and drove out to Irmo to visit my mom. We chit-chatted for a few minutes and she asked me what was wrong. I said nothing was wrong but she could tell that there was. I started with it. I told her that I had been offered the job in WV. I told her how anguished and conflicted I was about it. I told her how it felt like it was what I was supposed to do. I had expected a breakdown but to my surprise she was supportive. She still cried of course. And I cried too. I told her I didn't want her to feel like I was abandoning her or disappearing. She said she understood that I needed to live my life and do what will make me happy. She told me that she knew I had been putting my life on hold for some time now and that she understood that I needed to do what I needed to do. We hugged and cried together. I still feel conflicted but the relief I feel is palpable. I've been riding the fence so long now it's surreal to get down and start taking those first few steps along a path.

I drove home, ate some lunch and made a few phone calls. Called the Chef to tell him it was on. called my landlord to tell him that I would be moving out. Starting researching storage units. I'm so good at the BIG ideas but sometimes I struggle with the little ones...the nuts and bolts of making my dreams come true. I have to constantly check my expectations. Just because I am taking this step and making this move doesn't mean everything will be rosy from here on out. I know there will be many, many challenges ahead of me. But now that the die is cast and a decision made I feel a huge sense of relief and a blossoming excitement about the whole thing. In less than two weeks I'll be there. CRAZY.